Life has changed pretty drastically for me recently and without pouring my life out to you all and revealing my deepest darkest secrets I will reflect on what I have learned during this time. It seems the world is testing me to my core and challenging me in a way I have yet to be challenged and at first, this was scary and I felt very lost but I have come to learn that with pain comes real growth.
When you find yourself in a dark place it can be hard to realize and often hard to hear that nobody is coming to save you. When life gets hard we can turn to those around us for comfort and that can numb the pain for a while but it won’t take the pain away. Nobody can save you from the thoughts in your head and the way you are reacting to the situation you have been put in. You have to wipe those tears away, get back up, and start living again, nobody can do that for you. Today's blog I want to break down some things that I have found helpful in getting my life back on track and creating a bubble of self-love so to speak. We can get stuck in our world and forget to take a moment to breathe. It is true what they say that you can’t really love someone else until you love yourself first. Some of these tips may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I hope none the less that you give one of these suggestions a try.
1) Talk to a counselor: I am putting this as number one because it is probably the most controversial one of all. When someone tells you to go and speak to someone we often see it as a negative thing, shameful even, when in fact it can actually be very rewarding. It does not make you insane or weak if you choose to take this approach. At first, I was very unsure of it myself. After giving it a go my head was clear and I found some clarity. This is not for everyone and finding the right person to talk to can be tricky as you want to connect to them so that you can open up. I found this experience extremely helpful, speaking to family and friends about what's going on can be great however they are not professionals and sometimes you leave parts out that you may not want them to know. When you speak to a professional, someone who you don’t know you can be completely open with them, free from judgment and they can give you really great advice to get you through whatever it is you may be dealing with. This can help push you in the direction of self-love. The main thing I took from my sessions was a new way of changing my thought patterns, this helps me to turn negative self-talk into something positive which at the end of the day will turn into self-love rather than self-hate. 2) Say NO and take some time out for yourself:
This one may be obvious but is in no way any less important. When you are feeling low or life seems to not be going the way you had hoped it can be extremely helpful to take some time off and just be on your own. Again this is not for everyone, some people love to be surrounded by others when they are having a hard time but if you're like me spending time on your own can do a world of wonders. Take a day off of work, go for a drive, blast your favorite music, whatever it is that helps you clear your head is time worth spent. For me going to the gym or going for a walk with my music on is the best to help pick me back up and make me feel like I'm working on the most important thing - MYSELF.
Along with this came a much needed social media detox, I felt I needed to take some time out from the world of social media and focus on spending time in the moment. Social media can be a toxic place, especially when you are going through a time where you feel particularly low. I didn’t just stop clicking into apps I actually deleted the Instagram app altogether which meant I physically couldn’t mindlessly open it and start scrolling. When you feel low it’s hard not to get sucked into social media and let it disrupt our thought pattern, it’s important to remember that what people post online is often them at their best not at their worst! Not to mention everyone does not need to see what you're up to, how about trying to enjoy an event without having to show everyone that you went to it!
3) Make a positive step towards your goals:
When changes are happening to us that is physically out of our control it can make us feel worse as we feel helpless like there is nothing we can do to change our situation - this thought is your negative self-talk and it is simply not true. There is always something we can do to change our current circumstances. Having clear goals for your future and making a small step towards these things can feel empowering and give us a sense of accomplishment during a time where we feel unaccomplished or like we have lost something. Write a list of your goals, maybe they are things that you have put on the back burner for some time. For me getting this blog up and running again was extremely important as writing is my first love and when I don’t do it regularly it brings me down. Moving into a flat with my friend is another goal I have which could hugely impact my current situation. I have been actively looking for flats and applying for them in the hopes of making this goal a reality.
I’m not saying working towards your goals is going to magically change your life, a lot of our goals are things we need to work on constantly to see results (such as fitness and health goals) but taking steps towards your goals will help you see yourself moving forward which is a positive step towards getting out of the negative space that you are in. Change is always possible, which is hard to see when our minds are clouded.
4) Make a change: Get that haircut, get that tattoo, whatever it is that you have been putting on hold, do it, and do it now! There is no better time than doing all those things you say you want to do and never do. What is holding you back from doing it? Sometimes money can come into play here which is understandable but if you have no reason to not do something when you know it may make you feel better then do it! I never get my hair done so I thought why not treat myself, spend a bit of money on me and get it done. There is also a tattoo I have been wanting to get done for ages so I took that first step in getting it designed. Doing things like this is not going to fix any pain you may be feeling but it allows you to focus on yourself so that you feel like the best version of you.
I want to make a point in saying that I don’t think changing the way you look is the answer to changing how you feel about yourself and your life but it can make you feel more confident which in return can help you to move forward and start striving for what you want. 5) Basic self-care:
For me when these changes started to happen I noticed I stopped eating, sleeping and basically I stopped doing anything that helps me function like a normal human being. My body's reaction to change or stress is to shut down, food makes me feel ill, my mind can’t shut off in time to get any sleep, and basically it goes into shut down mode. If this happens to you it is very important to start taking care of yourself again. You can not start living your best life if you can’t even get out of bed to have a meal. I understand that I was in a state of situational depression which I will get to in another blog, but what I learned was that the sooner I started to take care of myself again the quicker I started to feel less depressed. Everyone who gets depressed deals with it differently and for different reasons, some of us can pull ourselves out of it and others need a lot more support. No matter how low you are feeling you need to take care of yourself, not eating or sleeping can lead to worse health conditions for you later on which is not what anybody wants.
Please note that if anyone reading this is dealing with anxiety, depression, or other thoughts of this nature, I have included some helpful links if you need some extra support (because I know that sometimes it is too hard on your own and I have been there). There is always someone there to help, me included!
6) Spend time on you're mental wellbeing:
When life gets hard we tend to turn to things that can instantly make us feel better such as alcohol, sex, drugs, or something else. These things however don’t actually help us to improve as individuals, they just numb the pain we are feeling. I believe hard times in life happen in order to push us into the next level of who we are going to become, spending time working through your own deep-rooted issues and making a note of where you went wrong is a crucial place to start in terms of moving forward into a better version of yourself. Having a cry and accepting what has happened is a stage we often like to avoid, however it is the key stage in moving on. Write down what you did to contribute to where you are right now and write down the things you will never do again. Life is full of lessons and if we don’t reflect and actually learn the lesson that life is trying to teach us then we are simply just going to be faced with the same lesson later down the track. Journaling my feelings always helps me to get my head clear again. Listening to podcasts, self help youtube videos, writing down positive affirmations are all things I am trying to regulate into my life to help me mentally move forward. We can work on our appearance, we can work towards our goals but those things may not change the way we treat ourselves mentally. Mental health is huge and it’s important that we start to make it a priority every day. I have started reading ‘The Secret’ and ‘The Power of Now’ both of these books have really started to help me change my mindset. I must admit I am still very much a beginner and even though it tells me to turn negative thoughts into positive ones I still say the same negative things to myself over and over but at least I am trying to make a positive change.
Pain and hardship is like a rollercoaster, we may have a great week one week and a crap week the next but as long as every day you do something that makes you feel better mentally then you are starting to work towards a better version of yourself. I hope some of my tips in this post can help you make a positive start towards your journey of self-discovery. Please if you ever need to talk about any life hardships contact me whenever and I will happily be a friend to listen and give you some uplifting advice. Lots of love Jess X
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