Why is it that we feel anxious and awkward doing things on or own? Is it because it’s socially unacceptable to be seen on your own or is it all just in our head? Heading into adulthood I’ve been faced more and more with tasks that I need to do on my own. Having gone to a college and a university that I already had friends at meant that a huge chunk of my life I always had someone by my side, whether it was getting a train or walking to class I always had someone with me. As life moves on and friends go separate ways we have more and more alone time that just didn’t seem to exist before.
If your anything like me this became very daunting. Simple acts like getting coffee on my own made me feel like everyone was judging me, however, this just isn’t the case. Think about it, how often do you look at someone who is on their own and think “wow look at her I can’t believe she’s sitting on her own!”. If you’re a decent human this thought never crosses your mind. I never even notice people who are on their own, I don’t mean this in a bad way I simply mean I am too focused on myself and what I’m doing. Most of the time people are interested in themselves and they aren’t even taking notice of you. Once I got this into my head I realized I need to stop feeling embarrassed to sit in a cafe on my own and embrace spending time with myself.
Sometimes we need to get lunch or get a bus whatever it may be, and we can’t let being alone stop us from living our daily lives. I started to challenge myself when I was on holiday to go out and eat meals on my own. I’m not saying I left my phone behind though that’s a whole other challenge on its own! Whilst in a country where nobody knew me I managed to go for walks and sit in cafes all on my own! Now some of you who are confident enough already will find this funny, however, for me it was a huge accomplishment. Spending time alone often makes me overthink and although it wasn’t smooth sailing the whole time, I did manage to do it. This means now I’m back home I have less fear of what people think of me if I am alone. I challenge any of you who gets anxiety to do one small venture a week, whether it's grabbing a coffee and sitting in a cafe for 15 minutes or going out for a neighborhood walk. Trust me you will begin to feel more confident in your own skin. You don't need a man or a huge squad of friends to do the things you want to do, there is no shame in tackling your weekend errands on your own.
One of my best friends recently went overseas for five months ON HER OWN! This to me would be anxiety overload, although she says she struggles with what I call 'alone anxiety' she has done just fine. She managed to make friends along her journey. This story inspires me, I often let the thought of having to do things alone hold me back from achieving some of my biggest life goals. Taking that trip I've always dreamed of but putting it aside because I couldn't find someone to do it with for example. No one wants to look back at life with regrets, so take that leap, book that trip, move flats whatever it may be.
One point I do want to touch on is for those with a significant other. If you're in a relationship you may notice that sometimes those big life goals you have may not match up to your partners and it may bring you down to think you have to put aside your wants for the one you love. This doesn't have to be the case. If you have to travel on your own for a few months and go long-distance, then maybe it's a challenge you both have to take. When your young it's hard to achieve your separate dreams whilst trying to mesh your life with someone else, my biggest tip is to not get sucked into their ideal lifestyle. Try to find a balance to do the things you want to do and the things they want to do. Ultimately you don't want to blame another person for you missing out on life-changing opportunities!
Hopefully, you got a positive inspirational message from this post to embrace the time you spend alone and go for those things you have always wanted but haven't. Share your advice and stories on this topic in the comments section :) XX
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